A bit over two months ago, my trans brother and my mom went to a trans support group thing downtown, said it was really good. They asked me to come, but naturally after I told my mom that I was having visible sleep issues, which she was well aware of, she treated me like I was just blowing it off. I had never been to a meeting thing like that before and was genuinely interested, but it's really funny how cis allies can accept I'm trans, but be completely ignorant of personal and mental health issues I go through, even when I tell them directly and repeatedly.
A month later, I go to the first meeting. I don't feel quite like myself because my abusive mom is necessarily there, being my ride, and also wanting to be there out of support. Felt more natural when it was just me and my brother away from her. The meeting starts, huge crammed room full of nice people all in massively different stages of transitioning. Lots of trans men, women, nonbinary folk, and a bunch of cis people there for support. They do some announcements and split off into groups based on transfem, transmasc, gender non-conforming, and cis. I'm a demigirl and stuck between transfem and gender nonconforming, but I went to the transfem meeting anyways.
Everyone gets in a circle and they all start talking about their experiences and shit, and I'm having a good time reflecting on where i'm at in relation to others. I feel like I'm in a community of my peers, right. But I kind of notice this weird trend going on where they mirror this kind of liberal rainbow capitalist rhetoric, I don't think much of it at first. I say a few things in the meeting about how cis people are the ones who have created these cruel standards of femininity for us, and a few people seemed receptive to it, but the rest kind of just stayed quiet. Besides that, I got some support and some numbers from other people, resources on name changes and such.
After the meeting, a butch transfem older woman wanted to talk to me and spent a long time just talking to me about random stuff and flirting. It was awkward because this person is half my age, and continued even though I stated that I had a partner. I wasn't afraid or anything, I know how to talk to people like this, and really just kept leaning into friend zoney vocabulary and such. The meetings for everyone else finish, and after meeting a few other people and whatever, I go home feeling good. More confident in my appearance and all that good shit, and in spite of having a shitty living situation and relatively uncaring family, it's good.
I later reflected on this a bit and realized that these people at this place were pretty damn white and pretty damn liberal in a way that ultimately is not good enough for what I would want out of a trans support group. Have my trans anarchist sensibilities entirely alienated me from connecting with other trans people? Why aren't there enough trans people who have the basic decency of rightfully identifying cops and cisheteronormativity as enemies and not friends that should be reconciled? I'm still getting something out of going, so I mean. I went a few days ago, with my partner who is here for the summer before I ultimately move with her in the fall. Though I'll be talking about that later. I don't like typing in long bursts all the time, and I feel like that retelling will be like twice as long as this.